Trying to Understand

I am truly trying to understand, but I don't know why things have come to this.  I don't know how we got here.  Did we not try?  Did we push too hard?  Are we relying on too many "other" people and not enough on ourselves?  Do we know what research is?  Or are we not thinking about the world around us, not trying to empathize, standing our ground too much?  I am trying to understand.

I have to admit that I hate Capitalism, everything is for sale, everything has a price, even love, survival, and yes, happiness.  I have never had the luck, understanding, or whatever it takes to stay on the good side of the Capitalistic cycle.  I have a certain skill set that makes me who I am, I have not been able to find the magic mixture that makes me stand out from the crowd.  And once you slip off the sweet spot, you get pushed further away.  It's all based on a need of humans to rank and sort and conquer through division.  Wealth is, by its nature, an abstract concept.  It is a thought exercise that we tried to make real.  How long can we go before the balloon goes BANG!?

I don't like guns, because I am incapable of picking up the metal thing and pose in a way as to demonstrate my willingness, if necessary, to erase....even a deer, or any vermin trying to eat my garden or dig into my home.  Again, I am INCAPABLE.  If you can do this, have at it.

I am not mechanical in mind.  I am unwilling to become adult if it means to become tired and worried and thus wrinkled.  I don't see things in black and white, male and female, democrat and republican, us versus them.  In short, there is no ONE side that I "fit" into.  And it's not for my lack of trying.

I look through Facebook and other social media.  I see anger, I hear fear, and I feel pain.  I see two sides hunkered down in deep, wet, cold trenches.  Each side feels wronged by the other side; each side feels right and righteous in their stand/their fight.

I look through in my small tidbit of history.  I feel that I am back in an emerald green bedroom, a time before 1984.  Each side in Facebook is now one of two voices from the bedroom across the hall.  Each side feel wronged; each side hanging on to resentments, trying too hard to do the right thing, but paying no attention to themselves.

In Facebook, how do we know when we win?   Is this truly a fight?  If someone does win, does someone lose?  From my bedroom, I would hear acquiescence, a giving in.  From my bedroom, I hear two people fighting for their will, pushing.  They entered into something they really should have not, but they gave into what society asks, nay demands.

In Facebook, I am talking two sides of the same coin, two sides of America.  From a dark, green bedroom, I listened to two sides of the same coin as well, my family, my parents.  My parents got divorced.  Is our country headed for a divorce?  The last time that was attempted we ended up in a Civil War.  The pockets still hang on to the "rebel" flag.  Today, would there be a North/South?  We are not debating anything; we are only shouting.  Let's debate; let's listen, so we can move forward instead of backward.  There is no empathy, only self.  Now what?