Previously posted in Facebook Before Philando Castile
As if it wasn't bad enough this summer that we have had to keep our eyes peeled for members of the notorious Metrosexual Gang, I have also noticed something else disconcerting - two new arrivals had come to town. Yes, you heard me - new arrivals. Please stay calm, everyone. Our ever-vigilant chief of police also spotted them immediately on their arrival, and he has assured me that he has been keeping an eye on them (and whatever else he can throw at them and make stick). I know that some of you have become uneasy with the stranger level in our village (it has been high this year, especially after the white invasion of this past winter), and perhaps some of you have been calling on our elders to indefinitely suspend the parade season (Memorial Day through Labor Day, including but not yet pertaining to our Great County Fair, Dairy By-Product Daze, and Falling Seeds Festival for International Day of Raining Seeds), but I urge restraint in the face of this potential dilemma. Besides, what would we do with the bass drum, three snare drums, four trumpets, saxophone, clarinet, fife and kazoo that currently reside in our high school's dustbin? And what would we do with ourselves when we are not trying to rid our days of the chores (that appear around the house like dust particles) - go fishing and visiting our local adult beverage establishments?
Anyhoo, the two black strangers (which I will now dub them because of their costumes and not for any other reason) arrived in town in spite of our best efforts with the Metrosexual Gang. Apparently, the two black strangers made a great deal of noise, a ruckus, a stir up, a row, so much so that they broke our precious noise ordinance (into 37 pieces, which is not easy because our noise ordinance was tough!). The two black strangers have no respect for our rules; that is all there is to it. I suppose they are no different then the chrome and rubber visitors that roared up and down Main Street at all hours of the day, prancing on two legs. But the two black refuse to speak a word of English. They simply open up their fringed black coats and shriek at you. Disturbing!
Our Village Police Chief noted that there is a difference that separates our two dark visitors from their companions that have already set up homes here in our fair hamlet or, at the very least, rummaged through our trash. There are white stripes running horizontally across on the fringes of their costumes. Oh, and Rudy Red Nose (our village drunk...oh, I'm sorry I was just informed that we can no longer use the word "drunk," we must refer to Rudy as permanently, bottle and balance-challenged) has noticed that these white stripes seemed to place a quality of dominion over those already in our midst. Such an observant old (or is he young? Hard to tell with all of the cough tonic he consumes) man. Since they have been under the watchful eye of our Village Police, these two dark strangers have been sighted in our most sacred of places - in trees, on parking lots, our trash cans, and even on our cars and trucks. (For God's sake, people, use your garage! They will be on our boats, jet skis, four-wheelers, and snowmobiles next!)
In other news, Village Police are still on the look out for the one dressed as "The Fuller Brush Man." He still evades village scrutiny. Remember! If you do happen to spot him, do not approach, call Village Police, as the suspect is still considered armed and fabulous--eh, I mean dangerous. Thank you.
Previously posted in Facebook
No comments:
Post a Comment